So it's been awhile since last blogged... I guess you could say alots gone down in my life but I havnt had the time to share it... but im hoping blogging will make me feel abit better... :)
So... firstly dance wise my life is quite good - the girls are having fun preparing for festivals and competitions and I'm enjoying choreographin the routine - dance is one of the only times I can get stuff off my mind; or use it within my choreography... excited about seeing my group perform in the national finals - although sometimes I feel that theres only me that is! This is something I have always wanted my group to achieve... but now I'm there people arent reli supportive - I guess its me and my girls against the world! <3 ...
Life in general at the moment is hard ... one minute I'm happy, the next someone or something has threw me back down. How do you make yourself better when you don't know whats wrong? This is my life atm... I never feel myself and I never feel good enough... in my head im thinking I don't know why but my hearts telling me I do :/ ... having to make a decision you don't wanna make isnt easy but when you can feel yourself making the wrong choice but not willing to change it is worse... I kinda feel that i wanna escape... shut everything off, but people rely on me and I'l keep strong for them...
Another thing... (something that isnt reali relevent to me, but a friend) is why try to impress someone when they are happy with you the way you are? Why change something that was perfect only to make it worse? That person chose you for a reason... something they liked about you; they didnt want that person your trying to become. I feel some people really underestimate themselves...
Next on agenda - self harm... kinda something that i hear alot about recently and I guess theres not much I can do - but what makes you do it? if your doing it to prove a point, your only hurting yourself... Attention? Surely if you speak to people/friends they will be there - I know I will always stand next to any of my friends family. I guess it's not easy - sometimes its a way it cover the pain your already feeling ...
On a good note: I have my neices christening this weekend :) ... should be nice, my sisters relying on me to take the photos which I'm kinda nervous about :s... don't think im good enough... but I got a new outfit and new shoes and bag so I'm happy :D ... what girl doesn't love shoes and bags?? :P
Neways ... I'll blog more often for a bit I'm thinking it will help :) But right now im thinking...
Tea, Cookies, Hoodie, Shorts, Moodle, Bed and Film is perfect ... :P
Much Love xox
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