1 Step forward, 4 Steps Back.

So at the moment the title explains it all - I feel like whatever I do just ends up back at the start. I just start sorting something or feeling better then something happens or someone ruins it; and I guess this puts me down. Like what do you do when you feel like nothing your doing is helping? What do you do when you feel like you let someone in and then they hurt you? Maybe it is by mistake - but if they understood you then it wouldnt happen. ARGH. So frustrating... sometimes you just wish you could skip all the bad stuff in your life and just enjoy the good...

Its so frustrating not knowing whats right and whats wrong. One moment your thinking 'yee this is right' then something happens and its back to square one. Like how much confusion do you need in one life? :') ... also persuasion sucks!! Like how easily are you persuaded by others? Me - Easily. I hate it! Like if someone says something inside im thinking 'yee course' and its more than likely a mistake GRR ... I guess in this world you should only listen to yourself - as thats why your here, if your not happy then you cant make others happy.

Well thats my little vent over ... had to get it out its been annoying me :') ...

Had a dance festival over this weekend - my group make me proud :) <3 ... they all performed well and enjoyed it so all that matters... Got comp in like 2 weeks - SO EXCITED! Yet really nervous! My group have already achieved SO much this year - so i'm happy whatever; for me its the experience that counts; they have already achieved so much to me! :)

well hopefully soon my life will sort itself out :') ... and I hope whatever happens is right...
much love xox

Been A While...

So it's been awhile since last blogged... I guess you could say alots gone down in my life but I havnt had the time to share it... but im hoping blogging will make me feel abit better... :)

So... firstly dance wise my life is quite good - the girls are having fun preparing for festivals and competitions and I'm enjoying choreographin the routine - dance is one of the only times I can get stuff off my mind; or use it within my choreography... excited about seeing my group perform in the national finals - although sometimes I feel that theres only me that is! This is something I have always wanted my group to achieve... but now I'm there people arent reli supportive - I guess its me and my girls against the world! <3 ...

Life in general at the moment is hard ... one minute I'm happy, the next someone or something has threw me back down. How do you make yourself better when you don't know whats wrong? This is my life atm... I never feel myself and I never feel good enough... in my head im thinking I don't know why but my hearts telling me I do :/ ... having to make a decision you don't wanna make isnt easy but when you can feel yourself making the wrong choice but not willing to change it is worse... I kinda feel that i wanna escape... shut everything off, but people rely on me and I'l keep strong for them...

Another thing... (something that isnt reali relevent to me, but a friend) is why try to impress someone when they are happy with you the way you are? Why change something that was perfect only to make it worse? That person chose you for a reason... something they liked about you; they didnt want that person your trying to become. I feel some people really underestimate themselves...

Next on agenda - self harm... kinda something that i hear alot about recently and I guess theres not much I can do - but what makes you do it? if your doing it to prove a point, your only hurting yourself... Attention? Surely if you speak to people/friends they will be there - I know I will always stand next to any of my friends family. I guess it's not easy - sometimes its a way it cover the pain your already feeling ...

On a good note: I have my neices christening this weekend :) ... should be nice, my sisters relying on me to take the photos which I'm kinda nervous about :s... don't think im good enough... but I got a new outfit and new shoes and bag so I'm happy :D ... what girl doesn't love shoes and bags?? :P

Neways ... I'll blog more often for a bit I'm thinking it will help :) But right now im thinking...
Tea, Cookies, Hoodie, Shorts, Moodle, Bed and Film is perfect ... :P

Much Love xox

21 Questions.

Hey Guys... So somebody asked me to this, well gave me the idea to and I thought it was a bit different :) So asked around to get some questions about what people wanna about me and chose 21 of them :) I'm gnna try and answer them quickly as I dnt want this to be the worlds longest blog - but if you know me you know i can chat for days :') neways here goes ...

1. Is honesty the best policy, in your opinion?
I think it is up to an extent. If something is gnna hurt someone or even yourself and maybe a little white lie will help stop that... I'd say lie. That may sound really bad about but why upset and hurt someone when you have the power to make them happy? My moms always brought me up not to lie... and I have been lied to before and its no nice but sometimes honesty hurts hell of a lot more.

2. If your upset do you prefer to be comforted or left?
I prefer to be comforted ... but it depends. On... one where i am - i really am not a fan of crying in public :') and 2. who by - either gta be my lil sis, pea, bro or my mommy :) missy helps me laugh to! But when u say comforted ... well I like the hugs but also i want them to make me laugh not just be like awww dear me :')

3. Do you get jelous easily?
Ermmm... what girl doesn't? in all honesty?? I guess you could say I get jelous quite abit... but I am guessin thats partly from what I have seen in life! Me and my sister have always been jelous of each other but growing up has stopped that, bcus we can understand each other more. And if your thinking on the topic of boys ... well... if you don't get jelous of your guy talking to some hot girl there is seriously something wrong :') ... u don't want your guy to prefer them... and how ever much they tell u they think ur better you won't believe them... lets be honest here!

4. Whats your biggest pet hate?
Has to be saying one thing and doing another! This RELI pees me off! Just don't say it... just shut your mouth and then this wont happen will it? :')

5. Describe our relationship in 1-5 words (Pea)?
Memories.Trust.Love.Smiles.Promises

6. Where would you like to see me in 5 years (Pea)?
I'd like to see you happy... enjoying life to the max and loving whatever it is you decide to do! I'd love to see you in uni ect dancing or performing arts school still working for that dream... I never EVER want to see you give up

7. Biggest achievement so far?
Has to be EDC... and my P.A! That girl was so shy and just an ordinary school girl till she started dancing :) and my group make me proud all the time... getting to national finals has to be one of the best moments EVER!!

8. Do we make mistakes for a reason or is life made to just fuck up?
For a reason. If nobody made any mistakes what would we learn? Why would we be here? We would just all be perfect - and I can say nobody is perfect no matter what anyone says... but don't our mistakes and ups and downs make us wo we are today??

9. How do you know if 'the one' is 'the one'?
Im afraid I cant answer this as I don't really know ... I don't think you ever do :s ... I'm thinking as long as your happy and you love the person to bits then thats what its all about?!

10. When your feeling at your worst what do you do to make yourself smile again?
I normally just sit there :') ... and wait till it passes! But I know that if I go see my girls they can put a smile on my face whatever the matter is!! And i can always go get a hug of mom and dad and they will always be there to make me laugh :) And my neices well how can you not laugh when they are around? lets be honest... not gnna happen!

11. What do you think is important for a person to know/do/say?
Whatever they feel at that point... if you hide your feelings and don't say what you believe in you will always regret not telling them at that moment in time

12. Are you materialistic?
Aha... this made me laugh... People who know me well would say yes! BUT... thinking about it I wuld say yes i am but i can live without it if i had to. I'm not gonna lie i love shopping I care about what i look like and what i have but im not spoilt and can't see that i get alot more than some... and if a time comes in life where it needs to go thats fine... i don't NEED it ... i just like it :)

13. Your life at the moment in three words?
Complicated.Dreams.Family

14. 2 objects that mean alot to you?
Photos.Phone.

15. 2 people that mean alot to you?
Mommy and Daddy <3

16. Favourite way to be hugged?
From behind around the waist

17. One regret?
Doing stupid character dancing without shoes on ... cost me my dancin' :( ... but also led me to teach :D

18. One secret?
Hard... I can't throw my teddies away cus i believe they have feelings :') pmsl ... how embarrasing!

19. If you could change one thing in life what would it be?
The way I am sometimes... I find it hard to trust people, wish i could change that :/

20. Married? Kids and what gender?
Yes I wanna be married... and maybe kids but would probs be just the one :') ... and I don't care if its a boy or a girl as long as its healthy and happy :)

21. You have 1 wish, what would you wish for?
Good health and happiness for all the people who matter to me :) <3

Well there it is! hopefully you know abit more about me now :)

Much love to the people who helped me out there :) <3

xxxxxxx

Car Journey...

On the way back from my weekend away and im thinking this is a good time to blog... car journeys always good from thinking ;)

But firstly had such a good weekend... loads of memories and things i'll never forget! playing bogeys was one of the highlights... sooo funi! and throwing aload of biscuits at 2 of the girls at like 3am was great :D :')

Neways... right now im thinking about how if u know something bad is bound to happen and u know ur gnna end up hurt do u still do it? or do u try and stop what ur thinking and forget what u want? if ny1 has the answer to that id love 2 know!!

And another thing is if some1 says something to you, can u forget it? like can u just act like they nver said it and be normal? im thinking im in the middle... i will try and forget it to the persons face i guess, but i constantly plays on my mind but then i forget it eventually... unles its smething major!

Well i got another like 2 and a half hours in this car, so no doubt im gna think of something :') or i may fall asleep but dnt wanna leave the daddy on his own! :') stay safe neways ... much love xx

Dilemma...

Soo...

1st dilemma... is the fact that I need to pack my case tonight! :') ... this is REALLY hard for me! pmsl. Like I have 3 days 3 nights, of which I have to pick 6 outfits out of  about 100 outfits :/ ... and I still shop for more :')! Ok here it is --> I confess I am a shopoholic! No Lie... like today I realised I was waiting for my mom and neices in a shop and a ladybug torch caught my eye :') ... like wtf do i need that for? but I tell ya if i had £3 on me at that moment i would of brought it! Like i buy things for the sake of buying things! I cannot go out to like town or merry hill and come back with like 1 thing or even worse nothing... that makes me mega depressed :') ... and clothes and shoes DEAR O DEAR :s ... i just find myself buying a new outfit for any new event ... like even if im just going shopping but its planned ahead, i want a nice new outfit for it! Its that bad i now have no space to put anything :') ... and its that bad that today my mom said 'I live like a WAG' :O ... how wierd?? I'd love to be a WAG :') ... that is really shallow and if you know me then you'll know im not a shallow person BUT i would love to just go shopping everyday and buy anything I want... have missy dressed all in pink... b able to throw parties at will ANDDD have y own private speed boat :') ... but still tbh my life atm isnt bad :') ... its not like i don't get anything... i get alot :') <3 ... anyway so back to packing -- im taking hair stuffs and Zebe is taking like toothpaste :') PMSL. Clothes wise I ent a clue... and shoewise??? ermm think il take... my flipflops...toms...dollies...my flat sandles... my black heels, my 2nd pair of black heels (Never know what 1s il want) ... my military boots... dance boots ... o and my silver heels! Hang on i think that may be a fail :') il have to re-think that 1 :') ... ah well. 2nite is gonna be fun!

2nd Dilemma... is my fingers are hurting may have to cut this blog short :')

3rd Dilemma... Stressing over leavin my moodle this weekend... how hard is it to leave someone you love? I think I may cry :') ... but atleast she will be in good hands I guess... but i'm gnna miss her! may have to paint ze black and make her furry PMSL!

4th Dilemma... Im hungry and I have no tea :')

5th Dilemma... I REALLY want a 3DS :( not.gnna.happen.

neways for reasons such as '2nd dilemma' imma stop if i think of somethin then 'I'll be back'...

much love xx

i guess not...

so if something about this blog is different im doing it from my phone :')... just so you know! first time for everythin :')

Neways ... been thinking about how u think you know somebody and then they do something or say something which makes u think you don't know them :s ... thats happened several times past couple of days. i guess u never really know anyone... like my dad says to me 'you can't trust anyone, you never know'. I guess thats true, i dont know what anyone is capable of or what there gonna do, but if i dont trust anyone wouldnt that constantly make me on edge?! maybe thats why i am like i am? i build these 'walls' around me for protection, waiting for something to go wrong; i know thats probably bad, but how do u stop thinking something that you've always lived with?

Another thing is i hve been offered a place to go to borneo on expidition for 10 weeks and debating whether to go? like knowing myself i know i will most likely hate it... lets face it, im materialistic, care about how i look and love my family and friends 2 much 2 leave them. i cannot imagine waking up in a forest, having to have a wee in a bush, a bath in a river and not looking at my mobile to see who i can chat 2 lmao! but who else has had this oppourtunity? and wont it make me a better person? i have depending on people for anything, but wont his make me more independent? and also im guessin id loose weight over there HUGE bonus right?? i duno i guess ... i gta keep thinkin! also where the hell am i gna find the money?? rite now i cnt even buy myself a chocolate bar! :') ah well...

Well im tired, so im going to bed, had2 many late nights and early mornings...

Night world <3

Hmmm...

Up early again this morning... trying to think of some ideas and inspiration for the lil' sis <3 ... So 3 songs so far all of which have pretty much been about relationships and love... so maybe try something different? I duno I guess love ect is a main subject but... hmmm... How about doing one about being young and things you have had to face to become older? ... like one minute you were playing with building blocks & boys were snotty annoying things and now your more concerned with how you look, being on a computer and how to impress the lads? Why do we change? ... OR how about writing a song for your parents? They have supported you through everything and your mom loves your singing so ... I'm sure she would be exceptionally proud to here something like that sang in the show ;) :) ... OR you could combine abit of the two maybe?? Growing up but how your parents were there to make sure you didnt choose the wrong path?

... If you wanna stick with like relationship/love then maybe look at like the cheating side? You could perhaps do it from your point of view?? like sing it as in your the one thats cheated? 'cus most of the time they are about the lads cheating and the girls are angry... 'irreplaceable' ... 'too little, too late' ... I duno hope this has helped anyway ... need anymore like thoughts on it just ask :) ... maybe you could do both ?

So lately I keep getting that feeling when your down but you don't really know why... well you do... but maybe you just don't wanna accept that that's the reason? I duno ... sometimes it feels like maybe i know the reason and other times im just sat there like whattt?? ... And how about when you keep telling youself it doesn't matter and to forget it but then you get wound up about it?? ... obviously it does matter then?? I guess it connects to my last post where you can't forget things that once mattered to you... but when you know that what matters to you does not matter to someone else, I'm thinking that that helps you to forget it!..  Was speaking to the lil sis about this last night and I think what I have just said is what we came up with anyway ;) :) ... so wasn't just my thinking there, some of the efforts go to the lil sis :P

On a positive note ...  how come you have set people to make you happy?? Like mine would be my girls, moodle and my brother :) ... like they can make me laugh when I really don't want to :') ... but I love that about them!

Going to butlins with the girls soon! Cannot wait... get away from here for abit :')! Gta get the 'Plans' into action :')... need to go shopping girls ;) get the itching powder :P ...

OOO and Bambi's birthday party is the end of this week! Its pairs fancy dress... Im with the Pea <3 ... No ideas as of yet cus we are so cool ;) :P ... but hopefully we should come up with somthin! And sleeping in the classic tent :s... so probs gonna be freezing but ahh well thats the fun I guess :')

Neways that was a bit of a random blog but ahhh well :P :) Going to watch Scooby-Doo now cus I'm that busy... :')

Byeeee xx

Something Different...

So I have decided to do something abit different for this post... I looked at quotes and stuff on the internet and picked things or ideas that stood out to me or made me think... Had a bit of a strange day today to be honest; different emotions up one second, down the next I guess ... just one of those days... Neways the girls did ask me to speak about some stuff but girls I will do that in my next blog... I'll write the stuff down so i don't forget ;)... but for now this will hopefully entertain ya :P

So firstly this image...

This completely and utterly relates to my life at the moment... don't you ever feel like you don't know whats going to be happening next? Like i guess you know what you want to happen but life never works like that does it... You meet new people every day but you never know how they will relate to you or alter your life at that time... heyho I'm hoping the plot will be a happy plot, I wish I could be the one writing the script but thats not gonna happen!!

'Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go' - I always hear myself saying 'I give up' ... sometimes out loud but mainly in my head :') ... who doesn't? But this quote makes me think ... sometimes I say it in relation to dance but then I don't give up bcus I have my girls who I know will make me proud and I will see them catch their dream one day ... giving up on dance would not mean that I was strong... surely it would mean im weak? As long as I have the people who keep me going, who keep me strong and tell me that we are achieving I will never give up ... dance is my life always will be and nothing will ever come between that. On the other side though when I say I give up on friendships or things like that ... well surely thats where I'm weak? If the friendship hurts do you have to make yourself walk away? Bcus dependent on the person your fighting for in my head thats hell of a task... how can you walk away from someone you believe in and want them to respect you the way you respect them? God thats tough!

'You never realize how much you like someone until you watch them with someone else' - I think this quote alone is a simple statement. This stood out to me for one reason... somebody asked me a question the other day when we were driving; and I think this may help with the answer :) ...

'Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out... But to see who cares enough to tear them down' - This quote stuck out to me as i realised that this was the answer to most of my thoughts today... I am the type of person to put up these 'walls' (I'm not gonna ie about that) ... but I realised that if the people that matter to me can't see past that and try and 'tear them down' they arnt worth my energy! Hey look at me for once... thats kinda positive! I guess I need to see that people who mean something to me doesn't mean that I mean anything to them... I need to let them people go... show them I don't need them. I have my girls... friends will always be there :) (Well, I hope!). 

 Second Image...

Can you ever let go of something that was that close to you, it was in your heart? Sometimes I wish I could... just forget certain things... but it never happens! However  much you try I don't think you can just 'let it go'. Even within dance... if i have a vision of what I want something to look like, and the girls are struggling to do it... yes I shut my eyes and breath but there is no way i'm letting it go cus its something i want! Want, huh? Many times in life your goin to want things but can't have them... does that men you forget them?

'Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control' - I've heard this so many times in my life, yet it still chooses to stick... i guess it connects to the top image... you don't know what roles will stick in your life and mean something to you ... like when I first met bambi... i never knew that when she first walked into the rooms we woul be like we are now... yet i couldn't imagine it differently! You can't control nothing in your life really... everything happens for a reason... you can't change it.

Neways thats enough for now... my blabbing on about rubbish :') hey ho it helps my girlies out :p ;) ... im gonna go get some munch, then maybe read and then sleep I guess :) ...

Much Love & Remember We might not get Tomorrow'...

Today's Thoughts...

First subject of this blog is 'Run or Hide?' ... I woke up with this question in my head this morning! Odd i know but its something I think most girls (maybe lads, i duno) think about. So... when you have to face a situation that is something that hurts or means arguing or fighting for something you want... do you run away and hide, or do you stick it out and try and work it out?? ...

Personally I run and hide, why? Bcus I can't face getting hurt or hurting someone else I guess... in my eyes if theres a disagreement or someone is arguing sometimes I just think they would be better off without me ... so I hide! It the same situation with talking i guess... I'm not the type of person to talk about things. I hate feeling like everyones looking at me... like I don't want people to think I am only interested in the way I feel! And I guess when you are faced with an akward moment when your being asked a question you don't wanna answer ... you always put 'dm' or 'dw' but inside it hurts and you wish you could just talk to them... so i guess running away isnt always the best option?

Second subject is the fact of what to do when it comes between choosing 'the good guy' or 'the bad guy' ? ... This is what one of my mates is going through at the moment ... but when doesnt it happen? Such a hard question tbh... do you go for a happy life but no arguments no danger? Or do you go for a player, risk of getting hurt, yet more excitement? My theory to this is I guess when your younger you can afford to take the risks... you have so much ahead of you ... and I guess it is unusal for some young girl to find their 'soul mate' when there so young; not saying that can never happen. But when your younger I would say take the risk... as it may not always be there! End of the day no girl wants to settle down with a guy thats gonna mess them around and hurt them ... so when your older I think you have to choose 'the good guy' :)

Next is a subject that one of the girls brought up to me today... and i think everyone boy or girl has these moments. So your in the heat of the moment, you end up doing something and it feels right... perfect even; but then a few weeks maybe months you look back and think why did i do that?!? And not just with lads ect like the clothes you chose to wear or something your brought. Regret always occurs throughout life but does it stay there or can you let it go. I think that depends upon what it is... speaking to the guys we all have them moments and memories that we look back on and laugh and completely regret; we all wish that one of us would have stopped the other... but no because at that point in time it was right to everyone not just yourself!! Yet I guess if you never do anything wrong and have no regrets you won't have anything to learn from... no lesson learnt. But something to consider would be at that point in time it was perfect and you wouldn't of changed it for the world... so how could it be something to regret? At that point you were happy.

So one of the girls asked me to give her a theme an idea so i am thinking along the lines of ... ermmm... (thinking here) ... how about when you act different around different people? like split personality... for certain friendship groups you act in different ways... OR... the theme above... good or bad?? that could be interesting :)

Neways... gives you something to think about :) <3

I guess this is hello...

Hey ...

So I guess I better introduce myself first. I'm going by the name of 'Belle' on my blog; it's one of my nicknames which I seem to like and it's stuck! I'm 21 at present, just finished my last year at uni and graduating in October; I studied sport. I am the coach of a dance group, whom mean everything to me; they are my world. I live to teach them right now... god knows where I would be without them!! Seriously! Other than that I'm an ordinary girl... confident and bubbly... the happy girl; well until someone upsets me aha.

I have a brother and sister, both of which mean the world to me! I live with the rents at present; they support me through thick and thin and have always been there for me! I have a pet dog, who I am with pretty much 24/7 I had her for my 21st Birthday and couldn't have asked for a better dog, she manages to make me smile everyday! I have a boyfriend, whom loves me and does all he can to support me. And then I have 2 Girls whom my life evolves around... Bambi is my sister by heart; so close we may as well just live together :') ... and Pea is the one who knows my life story and I know hers; not a moment passes where its silent when you put us two together aha.

I have many friends whom mean alot to me and make me laugh... Alex is a major for making me laugh :') ... but there is no way I could mention everyone! I guess you g through life and make friends and relationships as you go... some stay forever and some pass by... but I guess I just have to grip on to the ones that I don't wanna loose... and hope they are gripping bak :)

So this blog... I have decided I will blog more about emotions or certain things that have annoyed me or made me think ... I am no way gnna do an everyday 'my life' blog... I havnt got the time and i think that will turn out boring tbh... I did blog before and it helps with the stresses of life :') so I'm hoping this wll do the same <3

.....

So a couple of things to mention...

Something that is really annoying me today is how people tend to change... there is nothing you can do to stop them, but in your head your wishing you cud grab hold of them and squeeze them till they come back 'normal'! I guess some people change for the better... but when they don't :(

Another thing is promises... when someone gives you a promise do you know that they will keep it? Like deep inside do u trust them? .... I guess the promise I was given recently I was right about; I alredi sorta knew ... but still why do people give promises if they are just gonna hurt you in the long run?

Lastly I have been asked by the lil sis to give her some inspiration for her new song shes writing ... she needs help with the goodsides of breaking up in a relationship... so what do we reckon? ... I'm thinking along the lines of when you have been in a relationship so long that you never argue, you crave something to happen just to create an argument... you wanna feel some other emotion rather than just being told 'i love you' 'your perfect' i guess... don't get me wrong no girls wants to be given abuse, but a good argument and break-up can also lead to an amazing make-up! Also the feeling of wantin and thinkin 'what if i was single?' always occurs in thoughts when bein in a relationship i guess... but when you are single the question always comes along 'what if i was in a relationship?' ... I guess its like scales that can be balanced but they never stay balanced forever... relationships need a break-up to create drama... to give people the chance to fight for love i guess... to fight for some1 else rather than themself... well i hope that helps bambi <3 :)

So I guess thats it for now... Fairly long post but it is the first one :')